Is child marriage or marrying someone far younger than oneself justified?

[Shri Hrushikesh asked: Dear Swami! One of my friends asked me if it is justified for a 30-year-old man to marry a 9-year-old girl? Why did the 23-year-old Shri Ramakrishna Paramahaṃsa marry the 5-year-old Śāradā Mātā? What is the ideal age difference that should be maintained between a boy and a girl who are to get married? Can a girl marry a boy who is younger than her? Why is it traditionally considered bad in Hinduism, if a man marries a woman elder to him?]

Swami replied: Marriage is different from the first night function. The norms of age are to be considered for the first night function and not for marriage. Suppose, a boy and girl are very strongly committed to be married in future and when the proper age comes, they are married. This is ok. You are objecting to their early marriage in childhood itself since it becomes child marriage. Suppose the marriage between both is sure to happen in the future, what is the difference, whether the marriage takes place early or late? The point here is that both should become adults so that they can understand each other in their marriage. Then such a marriage becomes a love marriage. Elders say that when the couple is in love before the marriage, their love gets exhausted and no love remains between them after the marriage. They say that if there is no love before marriage, the love develops and continues after marriage. This is the law of conservation of love!

One point is very important here. The elders of both sides are well experienced in matchmaking and they consider many points that decide the compatibility between the bride and bridegroom. These elders are far far more efficient in considering all the important matching points than the young bride and groom. Elders also take care of aspects related to external beauty in addition to the psychologies and all the qualities of the bride and the groom. The elders have also had this experience of considering external beauty when they were young. At the time of marriage, Rāma was a 12-year-old boy and Sītā was a 6-year-old girl. A person’s beauty is well-expressed in childhood itself.

Youngsters criticize that elders do not give consideration to the matching of the beauty of the prospective bride and the groom, whereas, the youngsters give a lot of importance to it. This is quite wrong since elders consider all points including the matching of the beauty of the two. In fact, youngsters mostly fail in selecting the appropriate life-partner because, at that young age, their selection is always driven by emotion based on the temporary beauty of the prospective life-partner. But this temporary beauty disappears in old age. Youngsters do not give due consideration to all the other important aspects. There are several other points, which are far more important for a happy married life and youngsters mostly miss these important points. One cannot say that the alliances fixed by elders do not develop the so-called love. There are several alliances fixed by elders where the couple leads a happy married life with the climax of love between them. On the other hand, there are several so-called love marriages which fail shortly after marriage. It is not important who selects the life-partner. The most important aspect is whether all the important aspects are given due consideration during matchmaking or not. As regards the first night function, it must be performed only when both have attained maturity.

Keywords:

| Shri Datta Swami | Is child marriage or marrying someone far younger than oneself justified? | Raama Rama Sita Ramakrishna Paramahamsa Sharada Mata

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