27 Apr 2020
[Tinku K. asked: Jai Guru Datta! Social customs related to marriage and sex have a close relation with dharma (justice). These customs have changed drastically in recent times. I have heard that in olden days, everyone used to get married around 12–15 years of age. So they had legitimate sex with their life-partner and remained satisified. But nowadays, everyone is getting married much later, between 28–35 years. It increases the pressure to have illegitimate sex, which is adharma (against the divine law). Also films, internet and even our friends, draw our senses to lust and sex. Western culture has influenced society very strongly and according to it, everything including multiple love affairs and illegitimate sex are okay. In olden days, people did not have all these problems. They were satisified with their legitimate partners. There was no suppression of their sexual desire. Now, there is so much suppression of sex, which leads to increased illegitmate sexual behavior and forcefully releasing sperm (mastubation), about which You had mentioned in an earlier discourse. But Gurudeva, both illegitimate sex and mastubaration will cause diseases and spoil our worldly life (pravṛtti). Maintaning good health is an important part of pravṛtti. Guruji, please explain the effect of these changed social customs on dharma.]
Swami replied: O Learned and Devoted Servants of God! In olden days, marriage was done with the main aim of having children, which pleases one’s departed ancestors (pitṛ devatās). Producing children is part of God’s mission of continuing the human race from one generation to the other. The aim of marriage was only to produce children and bring forth the next generation. The continuity of the human race serves as the stage for God’s descent on Earth as a Human Incarnation. From the spiritual point of view, marriage is a sacred ritual and producing children is a holy sacrifice (yajña). The Veda clearly says “Prajātantuṃ mā vyavatchetsīḥ”, which means that it is God’s order that one should not break the family line by avoiding marriage or not having children.
Marriage does not hinder spiritual life. The Gopikās, who reached the highest heavenly world, the Goloka, were indeed householders. When Hanumān did not get married, His departed ancestors told Him that He would not get salvation unless He got married. So, Hanumān married Suvarchala, the daughter of the Sun-god. In fact, on the spiritual path, your love for God is tested only when you are married and have children. If you are not married and if you have no children, your bond with God usually remains undisturbed. Only when you can keep your bond with God free of disturbance, in spite of disturbances, can we say that you have passed the test of God. If you sit in the fire and show that you are not burnt, that is passing the fire-test. If you do not enter the fire and merely sit outside you will naturally not get burnt. Then how can you claim that you have passed the fire-test? If you still claim that you have passed the fire-test, people will only laugh at you for your foolishness!
Getting married brings balance of mind and stability in life. Your life-partner cooperates with you in all your spiritual efforts. This promise made by the couple before God during the wedding (Dharme ca arthe ca kāme ca mokṣe ca nāti carāmi). The desire for sex among human beings is also created by God to help in producing children. So, sexual desire should not be viewed as something low or bad. It is a biological need created by God for the continuation of the human race. Sexual desire is the warning bell given by nature to every person to extend the human race.
In ancient times, marriages took place at an early age because in those anceint generations, the physical health of people was tremendously superior to the health of people today. In fact, people were physically much larger in the previous yugas. The finger-ring of Rāma, who lived in the Tretā Yuga, is of the size of a present-day golden bangle. Once Shri Satya Sai Baba cleared some sand on the seashore and pulled out a golden bangle. He said that it was not a bangle, but the finger-ring of Rāma! Rāma, aged 12 years, married Sītā, who was 6 years old! After marriage, Rāma and Sītā went to Ayodhyā immediately where they had a married life for 12 years before going to the forest. We are surprised by this and say that this is illegal child marriage! Nowadays, people get married between 25–35 years, as you said. The physical maturity and health developed by a person in the present generation by the age of 25 years was developed by those ancient generations between the ages of 6–12 years. Hence, it is not a question of age. It is a question of the physical maturity and health of the body, due to which one develops the sense for sex. Sexual desire develops in different people at different ages, based on their hormonal activity. This activity, of course, depends on external cultural factors too. In olden days, marriages were performed when the young person developed the desire for sex. The desire for sex is not developed in a person in two cases: (1) If the person is impotent and (2) If the person is completely absorbed in God. The person who is totally absorbed in God has no concern even for his or her biological needs like hunger, thirst, sleep, sexual desire and so on. For example, both Śaṅkara and Dhruva were totally absorbed in God from their very childhood. But when Dhruva grew up to become a youth, he got married and had children, which is also a holy service to God. If one gets married upon developing the desire for sex, the present movies and other influences that are sexually arousing will not lead to any illegitimate behavior. They may only intensify the legitimate sex between married partners. In any case, the desire for sex is certainly not developed in childhood. It develops only during youth, based on the person’s hormonal biology. It is not strictly related to age, but to physical health and maturity. As generations go by, the longevity of human beings is also gradually reducing. The normal lifespan (puruṣāyuṣa) of human beings in ancient generations was 120 years (Puruṣāyuṣa jīvinyo, nirātankā nirītayaḥ).
Ādi Śaṅkara, Rāma and Krishna are three Incarnations of God. Ādi Śaṅkara did not marry because He had come to establish spiritual knowledge in His short lifespan of 32 years. He was not involved in any worldly activity and focused completely on spiritual knowledge. This is one extreme end. Krishna had come to show His miraculous power, which is far far beyond any human being. He married 16,108 girls and produced ten sons and one daughter through each wife! Can anyone even dream of this? This is the other extreme end. In between these two, stands Rāma, who married only Sītā and had only two sons. He is an ideal example for every human being. Hence, Rāma is said to be the Human Incarnation who stands as an example of an ideal human being (Ādarśa Mānuṣāvatāra). Hence, following Rāma, every human being should only be involved in legitimate sex with one’s legitimate life-partner. Rāma always behaved just like an ordinary human being, without showing any extraordinary miracle. He always claimed to be an ordinary human being (Ātmānaṃ mānuṣaṃ manye—Rāmāyaṇam).
In the Yoga Vāsiṣṭham, Sage Vasiṣṭha has said that the surrounding atmosphere certainly influences a person’s mind and the mind in turn affects the body. Mind is energy and the body is matter and both matter and energy are inter-convertible. The influence of movies on the mind of a student is inevitable and it also leads to hormonal changes. Hence, in the ancient system of society, the education of a young student would be carried out in hermitages (gurukulas) in the forest, under the guidance of sages. The idea was to keep students away from worldly temptations. Detachment from the world, while staying amidst worldly temptations, is possible only for a Human Incarnation of God.
In the ancient system of society, the stages of a person’s life were classified into four stages called āṣramas. The first stage was brahmacarya, which was the stage of a bachelor-student. The second stage was gṛhastha the stage of a married householder. The third stage was vānaprastha, which is retirement in the forest with one’s married life-partner. During this stage, one learns spiritual knowledge, if one has not learnt it during childhood, and develops devotion for God. The fourth stage was saṃnyāsa, which is complete dedication to the divine service of propagating spiritual knowledge. This system should be followed in principle in all times. During the stage of education of a child, at least sexually-arousing movies should certainly be avoided. That is why movies are classified into the U (Universal) and A (Adults) categories. But unfortunately, even in U-movies, some sexually-arousing scenes are shown. In fact, even in devotional movies they show sexually-arousing dances of heavenly prostitutes in the court of Indra or that of a king!
After completing one’s education and after getting a job, one should get married and enter the second stage of life called gṛhastha āśrama. If one is born in a rich family and already has enough money, there is no need for a job, of course. This classification of the stages of life or āśramas need not depend on age. It should depend on the psychological maturity of the person. But generally, learning is meant for a child, a married life is meant for an adult, a retired life is meant for a couple older than 60 years and finally, sainthood for propagating spiritual knowledge is meant for the last stage in life. This is the general sequence of the āśramas (Śaiśavebhyasta vidyānāṃ, yauvane viṣayaiśināṃ, vārdhake munivṛttināṃ, yogenānte tanutyajām). But the condition of society today is very different from the above. For present times, the above verse should be modified to “Śaiśavebhyasta bhogānāṃ, yauvane vyasanaiśināṃ, vārdhake bakavṛttināṃ, rogenānte tanutyajām”. It means that today, people enjoy pleasures during childhood, follow vices during youth, cheat others like a crane in their old age and finally end their lives due to diseases! To avoid this unfortunate situation, one should strictly avoid movies in childhood and old age. Whether it is eastern or western culture, the ethical values necessary to maintain justice are one and the same. Justice does not differ with culture. Justice is the basic construction and culture is only the superficial decoration of the walls of the construction.
The leakage of sperm, occurring either naturally or done deliberately (masturbation) happens only when the mind is filled with sexual thoughts. That is why when a person grows up and develops sexual desire, the person should get married. Then these problems do not take place. According to our ethical scriptures, even such leakage of sperm is considered to be a sin because the purpose of sperm is only to produce children. So, it should be released only while having sex with one’s married wife. The scriptures also prescribe a method of repentance (prāyaścittam) for this sin, which is a sacrifice called gardabheṣṭi. It involves the worship of God to kill the donkey-nature of the soul (oneself) (Manyuḥ paṣuḥ—Veda). Instead of realizing this actual meaning of that sacrifice, fools performed this sacrifice in the past by killing a donkey!
Keywords:
| Shri Datta Swami | Marriage, Sex And Justice In Modern Times | Pravrutti Yoga Vaasishtham Pitru Devataas Yajna Prajaatantum Maa vyavatchetsiih Dharmecha Arthecha Kaamecha Mokshecha naati charaami Purushaayusha jeevinyo, niraatankaa niriitayah Shankara Rama Raama Aadarsha Maanushaavataara Aatmaanam maanusham manye Raamaayanam Gruhastha Aashrama aashramaas Shaishavebhyasta vidyaanaam yauvane vishayaishinaam vaardhake munivrittinaam yogenaante tanutyajaam samnyaasa Shaishavebhyasta bhogaanaam yauvane vyasanaishinaam vaardhake bakavrittinaam rogenaamte tanutyajaam Manyuh pashuh Praayashchittam
★ ★ ★ ★ ★