Posted on: 07 Feb 2005
[Do you think that leaving family members is the only way to show true love to God? Can I not pray God to help the poor people?]
You must not be hasty in drawing fast conclusions, which may vary from case to case depending on their merits and defects. The first prerequisite in the spiritual field is patience (Shama) as preached by Shankara in His commentary on the very first Brahma Sutra. You have to analyze very carefully, with a lot of patience, even in the research of any scientific topic. Then imagine how careful and patient you should be in analyzing the spiritual knowledge (Brahma Vidya)? In this field, one should also have the purest mind, filtering all the impurities like attachment to worldly souls and things, jealousy, egoism etc. Please go through My analysis carefully and patiently.
Since your father wants his son to become a saint, he must be a saint since he is detached from his son for the sake of God. You can become a saint only when you are detached from your father. Therefore, stay with your father and treat him as your Sadguru and learn detachment from him. Your learning becomes complete when you practice it and your father will be very happy when his student (not son) has completed the learning. Detachment from worldly things and family members alone cannot be the ultimate goal. Of course, such detachment is called as salvation, which is the liberation from all the worldly bonds. These bonds will create disturbance in the mind one day or other. To be detached and peaceful while living in the family is impossible in the case of ordinary human beings. The Sadguru, Vasishtha preaches the same in Yoga Vasishtham. It is possible only for the human incarnation or for a devotee who has already reached the Lord and come down to assist Him. The Veda says the same (Yadahareva virajet Tadahareva Pravrajet), which means that the moment you are determined to attain God (Nivritti), you should walk out from your house.
The environment affects ordinary human beings and the surrounding fire burns them. Only Datta, the human incarnation of the Lord can remain unburnt by the surrounding fire. To preach this, Sanakra left his mother. Buddha left his wife and son. Meera wrote a letter to her Sadguru, Tulasi Das, about her intention to leave her husband. Tulasi Das replied that she should leave the house and that is not a sin. Shankara also wrote that in the case of God, there is no question of justice and injustice. One has to cross both for the sake of God as said in the Veda (Punya Pape Vidhuya…). The Gita also says the same (Sarvadharman Parityajya…). Shankara also wrote in His commentary that the rules of justice would be futile in the case of a real devotee like the knife losing its edge when hit on a stone (Shilaprayukta Kshuradivat…). The whole point in this is that the detachment should not be merely for the sake of detachment. A stone is detached from all the bonds but it is of no use.
The basis or the reason for the detachment should be the attachment to God. Your detachment to all the drinks is based on the attachment to the taste of divine nectar, which you have tasted. Detachment can be done even during the effort to taste the divine nectar, if attachment to the drinks is found to be an obstruction. After tasting the nectar, you will automatically discard the drinks. Therefore, detachment from the worldly bonds should be done if it is found to be an obstruction to your spiritual trials. If the environment is neutral or favorable, you need not leave the house.
Sri Paramahamsa told a devotee to leave even his newly married wife, when she was obstructing his meeting with Paramahamsa. Nobody and nothing should be equal to God as said in the Veda (Na tatsamah…). The Gita says the same (Mattah Parataram…). In the case of Atri and Anasuya, Anasuya was equally spiritual like Atri and therefore there was no need for Atri to leave his home. No better spiritual soul than Anasuya was available in the world [and her presence was only of spiritual benefit to him]. On the other hand, Shankara left his mother for three reasons:
1. His mother was a devotee but not a highly spiritually elevated soul like Anasuya. She was fond of Shankara. If Shankara stayed with her, she would not be liberated.
2. The Sadguru, Govinda Bhagavatpada, whom Shankara wanted as His Guru, lived far from Shankara’s native place.
3. Shankara wanted to propagate the knowledge, which is duty of the saint [monk], and in those days, one had to wander all over the country to do this, due to the absence of the modern electronic media.
Buddha left His wife and son because they were not encouraging His spiritual effort. Meera wanted to leave her husband because he was neutral and she wanted to go to Brindavanam where more encouraging devotees are available. In all these cases, association [with like-minded devotees] is very important, which may help or harm your spiritual effort. Markandeya did not leave his parents because they greatly encouraged his devotion. Smt. Sakhubai finally left the house and went to Pandharpur because the environment in her house was opposing her devotion.
In the case of Tukaram, the wife encouraged him but she was not up to his level and could not follow Tukaram because she was attached to the home unlike Tukaram. Prahlada did not leave the house in spite of the opposing atmosphere because the Lord has some special program to kill Prahlada’s evil father and Prahlada was instrumental in this program. Prahlada did not mind the Lord killing his father. This shows that Prahlada was completely detached and was completely attached to the Lord even though he stayed at home.
Thus the reasons and analyses differ from one case to the other and one has to be very careful in this delicate issue. Finally it is better to surrender to the Sadguru and do according to His instruction, who is the best judge of your individual case. You cannot take a general conclusion and treat yourself for your disease based on the medical pamphlets or the advice of the local pharmacy store owner. You have to approach a perfect specialist-doctor, who is the best judge of your case and you must follow his prescription. You cannot understand your own X-ray photograph. Only the qualified specialist-doctor can analyze and judge perfectly. However, in general it can be told that one need not leave the family if the family members are also perfect devotees and encourage the value of spiritual effort.
Even if the family is opposing, you should not leave the family at once. You must start propagating the divine knowledge first, from your family level itself. You must try to preach them the unreality of these worldly relationships, which did not exist before and will not exist after this birth. You should say that only the relationship with God is permanent and real. You must say that all this advice is in their best interest and not in your interest. Thus you must try to help your family in the spiritual line if you really love them. If you encourage their blind love by showing your blind love, the blind love increases mutually on both sides and finally all will fall into the well as said in the Veda (Andhenaiva Neeyamanah…).
One’s love should not be for one’s pleasure. It should be for the welfare of the person whom you love. If your love for your family is real, you must be interested in their permanent welfare, which is possible only in the spiritual line. You love them for your pleasure and they love you for their pleasure. The Veda says that one loves the other family member because the other person is instrumental to one’s happiness. The wife loves the husband because he gives happiness to her. If he gives misery to her, she will run away and ask for a divorce. All relationships like father, son etc. are similar. The Veda says that love is selfish because you love anybody who gives happiness to you (Atmanah Kamaaya…). Even if you are unhappy, your love should be for their welfare and not for your selfish pleasure. Thus, you can love yourself provided you keep yourself in the spiritual line, which alone helps your soul. If you are not in the spiritual line and are only in the materialistic line, you are throwing yourself into hell. This is said in the Gita (Uddharet Aatmana Aatmaanam…). The spiritual line alone gives a permanent and final welfare. Therefore, you should help yourself and your family members by keeping yourself in the spiritual line and by preaching the spiritual line to your family members. Shankara loved His mother really. Since He left her, she got detached from her son and was deeply bonded to the Lord till the end of her life. She reached God and got permanent welfare. Shankara helped His mother in this way and this was in fact His true love for His mother. Had He remained with His mother, she would have been more and more attached to her son and would have gone to the birth cycle of birds and animals, which love their offspring blindly.
Praying for the sake of poor people is not the true path. The Lord is kinder than you towards those poor people, because all are His children. You are only a brother of these poor people and He is the father of all of you. The love of the Father is far greater than the love of a brother. When you pray to God to show kindness on your brothers, is it not insulting your Father? The Father has given punishment to your brothers for their sins. If you just help them, it is interference in the administration of the Divine Father. The best way is to help them in all the ways practically either before or after preaching them the divine knowledge and making them become devotees of the Divine Father. Devotion will purify their hearts and make them eligible to receive the grace from God. He alone can solve their problems permanently. Your help is only temporary. Therefore, help the poor practically and make them become devotees simultaneously. The practical social service mixed with the spiritual mission will please the Lord. The spiritual preaching will change their hearts and this serves the purpose of the punishment. Punishment is only for the change and not for any revenge.