In my house, my mother says that she has to look after me in the worldly life till I am married. Is this correct?

[A question by Śrī Nitin]

Swāmi replied: It is correct to a specific context and it changes from one context to other context. A concept becomes rule based on the circumstances of the context. I will explain this clearly. In the ancient times, the female used to be tender in mind, delicate in physical body and dependent economically. Based on these three characteristics, the concept of rule was that the female shall not be given any responsibility, which means independence. Independence means only the strain of responsibility and it does not mean she shall be locked in a room. The ancient scriptures say that the responsibility of a female in her childhood must be taken by her father, her responsibility later on shall be taken by husband and her responsibility in her old age shall be taken by her son. The responsibilities were given to males because of their strong physical body, strong earning capability and the resulting strong mind based on the former two points. This is misunderstood that males are independent and females are dependent. As per the above said points, it is true that males were having the responsibilities of females and the females were dependent on males due to their lack of strength. A female generally stands for beauty, love and tenderness, in which case such harsh characteristics did not find a place. Hence, the verse written in the Manusmṛti belonged to the ancient time depending upon the circumstances of that type. The verse is “bālye pitṛ vaśā kanyā…na strī svātantrya marhati”. This verse means that a female shall not have independence which means that the female shall not be given any strenuous responsibility and responsibility about her in the childhood lies with the father, responsibility about her in the youth lies with her husband and responsibility about her in old age lies with son. Here, the word independence shall be strictly taken in the sense of strenuous responsibility that is suitable to physical strength, economic strength and mental strength.

Today, the time changed and the females are also educated and doing jobs having economic strength. The females are also playing and participating in gyms etc. getting physical strength. Due to these two strengths, the females are having sufficient mental strength. Hence, the females are very much capable of taking strenuous and harsh responsibility. Therefore, a female shall be decided as ancient female or modern female not based on ancient time or modern time, but, based on the above discussed parameters, which decides whether a female is capable of taking the responsibilities or her responsibilities are to be taken of care by other male members.

Based on the above analysis, you must decide whether you have to take the responsibility of your mother or your mother has to take your responsibility. Of course, since you are young and she is old having lot of experience of practical worldly life, she can advice you regarding your worldly life. Correct advice is also a type of responsibility only. The word responsibility has both senses of theoretical responsibility (like giving advices) and practical responsibility (maintenance through spending), physical service etc. Hence, the responsibility varies as per the channel (whether it is theoretical or practical) and as per the limits of the channel (extent of capacity of the channel).

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