What is the purpose of my existence?
[Smt. Amudha Sambath asked: Padha Namaskaram Swami]
[What is the purpose of my existence? Swami, My Goal is You and I promise that I will do everything which pleases You but I feel that I am not useful because I don't see myself in consistent progress. Most of the time I am into worldly stuff and all my time is on it. I am wasting it if I get leisure time. It's my fault, and ignorance. Swami, Please guide me and provide me with a solution...(Click here to read full question)
Every day I feel why I am being like this and why I am not useful or improving myself towards YOU Swami. I feel I am deviating myself and losing in consumption of spiritual knowledge. Swami, I am unable to get rid of my own negative thoughts. Every time I am coming to You to resolve worldly issues and after that I am thinking of wherever I am pleasing or displeasing You. Swami, I miss You - I don't know why my mind is feeling this way even though there is plenty of proof that You are always with me, in the form of Spiritual knowledge, saved me in a lot of accidents and worldly issues.
Every day I am crossing because of You. But I feel that I am missing You. I feel that I am faking that I am happy in a worldly life but inside I am not Swami. Right now, I am thinking about worldly and spiritual progress. I am trying to travel on two boats. Thinking of all true and climax devotees. I feel that I am not a good devotee, and I am full of selfishness(soul).
Please give me a spiritual friend/companion so that at least I will try to be in touch with true devotees to improve my spiritual progress who directs me towards You. I should or need not to aspire to anything but Swami. I am incapable of it, Please give me clarity in human life and spiritual knowledge. I am unable to control my mind and thoughts, I am surrendering to YOU with my soul, mind and thoughts and everything of me. Please guide me Swami towards the path(My Goal :- God). When I read the questions which I asked again and again, in some places I was displeased, and in some places made You angry but Swami, please don't leave me for anything. Give me punishment, or scold or any miseries but don't leave me Swami. I am honestly saying that I am a headache to YOU Swami, Please forgive me Swami. What is the use of me, Swami? At Your Divine Lotus Feet, Dust of Your creation]
Swami replied:- You are trying to cook the food with the help of ice. Food will not be cooked by ice but is cooked on fire. Cooked food is preserved with the help of ice. First, use fire and then, use ice. First, fulfill your worldly life and then fulfill your spiritual life. You are not Adi Shankara, Who jumped into spiritual life in the childhood itself. When you are hungry, eat the food and then sing on God. How can you sing on God when the hunger is burning in your stomach? Exceptional cases like Shankara can pacify their hunger by singing on God. That is an extraordinary case. The normal level is to eat food to pacify hunger and then sing on God so that your attention is not dragged by hunger and it is dragged by God only. Make all your trials to settle in Pravrutti or in worldly life and then worship God. Of course, you can be always in touch with My spiritual knowledge, which is a torchlight in worldly life (Pravrutti) as well as in spiritual life (Nivrutti). I give My blessings in your efforts to settle the Pravrutti.
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